


Heavy

by queerwonderland



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Loneliness, Protective Kara Danvers, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerwonderland/pseuds/queerwonderland
Summary: Kara won't let Lena suffer in silence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was therapeutic for me, I hope you enjoy reading it :)
> 
> TW for depression

Kara knew something was wrong as soon as she entered Lena Luthor's office. She was expecting her friend to be sitting at her desk, as she did every single time Kara visited her, working tirelessly through her lunch hour. But that day, something was different. Something was wrong.

Upon opening the door, Kara looked over to the black office chair to find it empty. Her eyes scanned the room, finally falling upon the woman asleep on the couch. She immediately walked over to her.

"Lena?" she said, shaking her friend's shoulder gently. Lena stirred before opening her eyes, stretching out her left arm slightly and looking up at her friend.

"Hey, Kara," she smiled. But Kara frowned. Something was definitely wrong. An ordinary person probably wouldn't notice, but Kara did. She knew how beautiful Lena's eyes looked when she smiled. Her friend always did this thing where she sort of squinted a little and her green eyes somehow looked even greener, as if glee gave them more depth and meaning. Today, her eyes were hollow. And that's how Kara noticed.

"Lena, what's wrong? Are you sick?" Kara asked, a little frantically, struggling to keep the panic out of her voice. 

"No, I'm fine," Lena replied, a little too hastily, sitting up on the couch. She immediately received a very skeptical look from her friend.

"I know you're not fine," Kara replied, her voice calmer, quieter, trying her best not to scare her. Studying Lena closely, looking for any signs of pain or discomfort, she noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Lena looked at her and blinked, her eyes glossing over with sadness. She opened her mouth slightly, her breath hitching in her throat, before closing it again. It was almost as if she was prepared to tell Kara something, something of great importance, but changed her mind at last minute. Like she was about to take a leap of faith, but decided against it just as she was about to jump, so she remained stuck on the edge of the cliff, her body neither here nor there.

"You can tell me anything. It's okay if you don't want to, but just know that you can," Kara said, hoping that her friend would understand what she meant. She remembered all the times she was upset during her first years on Earth. Even when she didn't want to talk about it, knowing she could confide in Eliza and Alex when she was ready was enough to bring her comfort. 

Kara took a deep breath, ready to shower her friend with more reassuring words, but Lena beat her to it.

"Sometimes, I can't move," she said, tears clouding her vision as she forced herself to carry on, "I feel like there's something really heavy pushing down on me. I have to carry it everywhere I go and it makes me so, so extremely tired a-and I just-" 

Warm, soft hands cupped her face, startling her, interrupting her train of thoughts. Hands that could, quite literally, crush you to death with one single movement were being so gentle with her, stroking the side of her face and rubbing soothing circles into her tense skin. They provided her with much needed comfort, comfort that had been absent throughout her life, comfort she had been deprived of as a child. She leaned into the touch, warmth radiating through her body. It was enough for her to start crying, hot tears falling from her eyes and down her cheeks.

"Shhh," Kara whispered, catching her tears as they fell. 

Looking into the eyes of her best friend, the person that has lived through unimaginable pain, Kara made a decision. It was a hasty decision, she admits, a spur-of-the-moment thing that hadn't been thought through at all, but despite all this, she was sure. As a matter of fact, she had never been so sure about anything in her life. Kara moved towards the older woman and kissed her lips. It was tentative, at first. Gentle and unsure, she kissed her again, feeling cold lips tremble against her own. 

It took a few seconds for Lena to register what was going on, but when she did, she kissed back. Her lips moved against Kara's, hungrily, desperate for affection, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to make up for a life devoid of love. She was crying and Kara could feel the salty tears on her own lips. They carried on like that for a while longer, sharing kisses while tears fell between them, and suddenly Kara wasn't quite sure which of them they belonged to.

The situation had gradually become too much for Lena to handle and she started sobbing. Kara pulled away, embracing her, accepting her without hesitation, with more love than Lena ever knew even existed, more love than she knew how to deal with. That scared her. She tried to pull away, wanting to retreat back into the pit of loneliness, to hide behind the protective shield she had created for herself all those years ago to help deal with all the neglect. But the blonde wouldn't let her. She held on fiercely, as if she knew she was her lifeline, the only thing holding her together. 

"Let it out, Lena," Kara whispered, rocking her gently, rubbing her back. "Fall apart, it's okay. I'm here now." 

Lena was stunned and a little confused. Nobody had ever encouraged her to feel things. Nobody ever told her it was okay for her to cry. And now Kara was sitting by her side, holding her, kissing every single inch of her tear-stricken face, reassuring her, telling her everything was okay and that she could cry. It was too much for her to handle, beyond what she could comprehend. The love and care exhibited by the woman sitting beside her very much exceeded the barriers of her understanding.

"Kara, I-l-" Lena began, feeling the need to explain herself. She wanted to say that she was sad. She wanted to tell Kara that something was wrong with her. 

"You don't have to speak," Kara said, stroking her cheek softly, "not yet."

Lena looked into the blue eyes that gave her so much hope. 

Hope that some people were good. 

Hope that not everyone would leave her. 

Hope that she wasn't alone. 

She nodded, resting her forehead against Kara's, her eyes closing with the weight of sadness and exhaustion. Kara reacted immediately, cupping her face again and stroking her cheeks. Lena whimpered at the touch.

"Shh," Kara shook her head, "you don't have to worry about anything right now," she whispered, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop flowing for a while.

"Concentrate on the fact that I'm here for you and I'm never going to leave you. You're not alone anymore," Kara said, calmly but firmly at the same time. When she spoke again, her voice was much softer and filled with raw emotion. "I love you," she said. "I know it'll be a while before you believe me. But I love you so much, Lena, and I will keep reminding you until the day you allow yourself to be truly, unconditionally loved."

Lena looked into the eyes of the most important person in her life. The beautiful blue eyes that were filled with so much passion, devotion and understanding, the eyes that, right now, were also filled with tears. Lena tried, just for a moment, to imagine somebody loving her without gaining anything in the process, without wanting anything from her in return. But she couldn't. Kara was right. Lena didn't believe her. But she nodded anyway, hoping that, one day, when she felt better, she would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara vows to take care of Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of making this a 3 or 4 part story, probably adding some Alex later on. Let me know what you think! :)
> 
> Again, TW for depression.

Kara spent the rest of the afternoon looking up depression symptoms on the internet. She knew it probably wasn't the best thing to do. She has lost count of the number of times Alex had told her looking up symptoms of anything on the internet would only bring her unnecessary stress and freak her out. She smiled at the disapproving glance her sister would give her if she saw what she was doing. Despite everything, she decided not to take her advice for once, delving deeper and deeper into the scary world of mental health disorders, recognizing more and more signs as familiar, suddenly seeing red flags everywhere, kicking herself for not noticing her friend was suffering in silence. 

Friend. Kara felt like she had repeated that word in her head about a thousand times in the last couple of hours. She had said it so many times that it had since lost its meaning, becoming a random arrangement of letters floating around endlessly in her already scrambled mind.

Because all of a sudden, Kara wasn't sure she wanted to be just friends with Lena Luthor. Not that she hadn't thought about it before, because she had, but always dismissed it and started thinking about something else, being too afraid to even entertain the idea. But today, as she kissed her lips without hesitation, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it was the right thing to do, she found herself feeling both more and less confused at the same time. Why did she do it in the first place?

Had she done it out of a desperate need to comfort her, to distract her from the unbearable pain she was feeling, aware that she was in a state where words and hugs weren't sufficient? Had she done it to silence her frantic mind, to replace her self-destructive thoughts with warmth and love?

No, Kara thought to herself. You don't just kiss someone on the lips to comfort them. She remembered how much passion Lena had put into the kiss. It was as if was the only thing in the world she was sure about, the only tangible thing she could hold onto. Kara shook her head in attempt to get rid of the thoughts and turned her head back to the computer. She was sitting on Lena's office chair, trying to come up with a plan to get her the help she obviously needed.

Every now and again, probably more often than she'd like to admit, Kara looked at the couch to check on Lena. She was sleeping soundly, which was expected after crying herself to exhaustion a few hours before. Her head was resting on a make-shift pillow Kara had created using a towel and her sweater, because apparently, Lena didn't have a pillow in her office. Kara thought this was strange, as she knew Lena probably spent more nights on that couch than she did in her own bed. Kara smiled as she made a mental note to get her a nice fluffy pillow.

The first thing Lena noticed when she woke up was a very familiar flowery scent. She breathed in through her nose deeply, letting it overtake her senses, a calming feeling making its way through her whole body. Upon opening her eyes, she realized, to her embarrassment, that the source of the scent was Kara's sweater and it was familiar because, well, it was the jasmine scented perfume she loved so much. Lena felt her cheeks flush with heat as she desperately tried to will the redness away. Her embarrassment was soon replaced by something much more serious. She suddenly remembered why the sweater was there in the first place. The events of the early afternoon came crashing into her like a wave of horror and in the midst of it, all Lena could do was ask herself why. 

Why am I so week? she thought to herself, her hands curling up into fists in anger directed only at herself. 

Why did I have to tell her? 

Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? 

Why did I kiss her? 

The questions were coming at full speed and it was too much for Lena's tired brain to process. She slowly lifted her head, looking around the room. She hoped she wouldn't be there. She wanted nothing more than for her friend to be gone. But she knew Kara Danvers. Anyone could see, just by looking into those beautiful eyes, that she was too loving, too kind, too compassionate to leave. Lena refused to believe it had anything to do with her, specifically. Kara had compassion for every single person in the world. She had so much love within her and Lena knew this. She could tell by the way she looked at dogs in the street, by the way she smiled and waved at children, by the way almost every single movie they'd ever watched together made her cry at some point. Kara loved. She loved fearlessly and unconditionally, unaware or unwilling to accept the possible consequences of such love. But did she love her, specifically? Lena didn't think so. Nobody loved her. She was tragically unlovable.

Tears stung her eyes quite suddenly. She bit her bottom lip roughly, almost drawing blood in the process, desperately trying to keep them at bay. But she whimpered. And it was all lost. She felt motion from the other side of her office, knowing for certain that it was Kara getting up from behind her desk. And surely enough, the blonde was by her side withing seconds.

"Hey," she smiled, crouching down to Lena's level. 

"Kara," Lena said, her voice cracking, "why are you still here?" What seemed like an innocent question to her made Kara's eyes widen in horror. 

"You're upset," she pointed out, rather needlessly, because it was something both of them were well aware of. But Kara didn't know how to respond to a question that made no sense to her. What did she mean? Friends stick around, don't they? Friends. There's that word again, infiltrating Kara's mind, making her lose her focus point which was getting the brunette the help she needed. 

"Yeah," Lena nodded, truthfully, "but why are you here?" 

Kara knew, at the back of her mind, that this would happen. She swallowed thickly, resisting the persistent urge to grab hold of her, shake her, and yell at her. 

"Lena," she began, going for the more conservative approach. She paused, waiting to see if the woman would look at her. She didn't, so Kara reached out, putting her hand under her chin and gently tugging. "I'm here because I care about you." Lena locked eyes with her, briefly, before looking back down. 

"I just don't understand why," Lena whispered, biting back tears. Every fiber of her body ached with physical and mental exhaustion. 

"I know," Kara replied sadly, "I know you don't understand. I'm going to help you understand, I promise." Without thinking, she pulled Lena into her arms. She was afraid the older woman would fight her, and she did, only for a moment, before collapsing against her, accepting defeat.

They sat there for a while, not talking, just holding onto each other. Kara wanted to say so much. She wanted to tell her that she's going to be okay, that the voices in her head were wrong, that she wasn't alone. But at the same time, she was painfully aware that the woman wasn't ready to hear any of those things just yet. So all she did was hold her, rock her, comfort her, all while reassuring herself that she could do this, that she could take care of her.

"Can I take you to my apartment?" Kara asked carefully. She felt the brunette's head lift from her shoulder. Moments later, green eyes reluctantly met her own, a look of desperation etching its way from behind the tough exterior. Kara could tell she was having an internal battle. She knew the voices in her head telling her to say no, telling her she wasn't worth it, telling her she was better off alone.

But she also had a feeling that the person sitting beside her was strong enough to fight her demons.

Her feeling was confirmed to be true when that person nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara looks after Lena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in ages, I've been struggling quite a bit.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter :)
> 
> If you want to talk about anything, my Twitter is @startedoffokay

"Will you eat something, please?" Kara asked hesitantly. Ever since the food arrived, which was about ten minutes ago, Kara had been the sole witness of an intense staring contest between Lena and her pizza. 

"I'm really not hungry," Lena said quietly. She was fighting really hard to keep her eyes open which told Kara that her friend was exhausted. With a sigh, Kara fought off the urge to let Lena off the hook. She really wanted to, but deep down knew Lena had to eat something.

"Lena, please," Kara went on, trying her best not to sound frustrated. She didn't have the energy to fight with her. "Just eat one slice." 

Lena reluctantly picked up a slice of pizza and took a few small bites before swallowing rather forcefully, pulling a face, and putting the rest of it back down in the plate in front of her.

"I can't, I'm sorry," she said, looking away, shame apparent in her facial expression. Kara sighed, her heart melting at the sight. 

"When was the last time you ate?" she asked carefully, worry seeping through the words and digging into Lena in the form of guilt. 

"I don't know. Yesterday, I guess," she replied, avoiding Kara's gaze. 

"Lena, you have to eat." Kara was aware of the frustration now making its way into her voice. 

"I'm sorry," Lena said quietly, her voice cracking.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Kara stressed, her voice both firm and filled with warmth, such a perfect combination of the two that Lena couldn't handle the level of care. She didn't reply, knowing she couldn't do so without falling apart, so she concentrated instead on avoiding the blonde's seeking gaze.

"Tell me what you need right now. Tell me what will make you feel better and I'll do it," Kara said after a while. Just like that, the frustration was replaced by love and compassion. The shift in her friend's voice caused Lena to finally look up. Kara's blue eyes met dark green ones, seeing a depth in them that she had never seen before. They were glossed over with unshed tears, weighed down by infinite sadness, numb due to a life without love and Kara knew they've been struggling to see color lately.

For a moment, she thought Lena wouldn't reply. But then she did.

"Can you just hold me?" Lena asked quietly, her voice breaking mid-sentence. 

Kara blinked, feeling relief wash over her because the request was something she could be easily achieved.

"Of course," she replied without a shred of hesitation, a lump rising in her throat upon the realization that this was the first time Lena had actively sought out comfort. She swallowed a few times in a desperate need to control her emotions. There was a time and place for her to cry and this definitely wasn't it. 

Somehow, Kara managed to move Lena from the kitchen area to her bedroom, grabbing something comfortable for her to change into on the way. She went into the bathroom to give Lena space to change. 

Looking into the mirror, Kara saw exhaustion staring back at her. She was tired, scared, and out of her depth. She didn't know how to help her friend.

Friend?

Kara shook her head, trying not to think about that. She had been doing her best to forget about it but it was weighing on her. She was confused. But now wasn't the time. All that mattered to her was getting Lena to sleep, at least for a few hours. She took a deep breath, looking into the eyes of her reflection. For the first time in ages, she saw something else. Something other than exhaustion. It was hope. She saw hope look back at her. She saw love, compassion, and determination in her own eyes. And suddenly she was sure she could do this.

"Hey," Kara smiled, walking back into the bedroom. Lena had changed into Kara's old college sweatshirt and was lying under the covers on her bed. The blonde hesitated for a split second in which her heart rate picked up significantly, before moving the covers to lie next to the older woman. She moved closer to her, feeling guilty for how much she wanted to touch her skin. She tried her best to push her personal feelings aside as she held Lena close, determined to provide her with the physical comfort she needed.

"I don't know what's wrong," Lena said, her voice small. Kara ran her hand down her back.

"It's okay, Lena. We'll figure it out," she replied, kissing her temple. "All you have to do right now is focus on the fact that I'm here for you and I love you."

Lena sighed, turning away. 

"Do you trust me?" Kara asked, desperate for the other woman to believe her.

"Always," Lena replied after a short pause, looking up into blue eyes.

"Everything's going to be okay," Kara said, holding Lena close. "But there's no rush."

Lena's eyes slowly closed as she relaxed into the embrace for the first time that evening. Kara breathed a sigh of relief, or maybe it was fear, or desperation. 

The truth is, she wasn't entirely sure what she was feeling. But at least Lena was safe for the time being. 

A silence fell upon the two women. It was a comfortable silence, the kind that occurred when nothing else had to be said and all necessary communication happened through the art of body language and intuition.

Kara waited for Lena's breathing to fully relax until she let the looming lump in her throat take over and the tears fall. Emotions washed over her and all she could do was hold Lena tighter. She didn't know what tomorrow would hold, but at least she knew they had each other.

She drifted into a light sleep, hoping that it would be enough.


End file.
